Hineni.

I was accepted into a phenomenal nursing program back in my hometown because God decided that my time at the school where I took my prerequisite courses was over. Or at least that’s what I would have told you up until last week. Only now am I realizing what God is teaching me about TIME.

This life is not mine.  I do not deserve the life I have been given. God is gracious and merciful beyond all of our wildest dreams. The unconditional love our Savior has for us is powerful. This past year, I was able to witness first hand what living in community looks like. Man, I was drinking from the spring of the Lord nonstop y’all. I was so convicted in my community of the life I was living; how selfish I was with my time, how I met my needs before others, how undisciplined I was, etc. etc. (I’ll stop the pity party here.) But the community I was in strived to live a life worthy of Christ and the gospel. Men and women came alongside me and boldly moved towards Christ and towards his people. I was thriving among all circumstances. Why then, when I received my acceptance into a nursing program away from community, was I initially so excited to leave? Because I knew it was from the Lord and he had something planned for me.

I made it through six weeks of summer. Six weeks of a public speaking course, volunteering at the food pantry, and the nursing home. Look God, you have made me better with my time. I’m feeding the hungry and taking care of your widows. I knew you wanted me to come back home so I could do better things with my time. HA! After all I had learned about God this past year, I STILL put him in a box. I found out last week a bigger piece of why I actually would be returning to small town USA for nursing school.

The second thing I have learned this year is that the Lord TRULY and DEEPLY cares about the desires of his children. (Good and bad desires. Otherwise, sanctification wouldn’t be necessary-however we can save that topic for another blog.) If it weren’t true then I would have never been accepted to nursing school. That is definitely a door only God could have opened. God didn’t just give me one passion though. Being a nurse isn’t the only thing God created me for. The Lord has giving me a passion for college students and the desire to water churches that are in a spiritual desert. After living in a healthy church community, coming back to my home church is drastically different in many ways. And right as I decided to try a new church, I heard the voice of God. “Addie, if you leave and do nothing, where will my truth come from?” Now, I am not saying that I am the only one with the capability of bring the Holy Spirit to my church. Actually, I am saying I don’t have that capability at all. But I love the Lord and if I truly want to be a vessel for Him I have to realize that my life is not my time at all. But, thankfully, divine intervention has occurred. As of August 1^st, I will be the Director of Young Adult Ministry at my home church. This church is full of wonderful people who love God and his people… but it is also a church that is underdoing a period of change. God has given me a passion for his Holy Spirit and all I can do now is thank Him for having a plan for me—a plan that invites me to serve Him and His people, when I am so unworthy to do so.

Hineni. _{(Hebrew for: Here I Am Lord, Send Me.)}

The Judging Game

   We all struggle with judging the people around us and sadly we judge even people we do not know whom are far away from us. Several factors can be attributed towards our tendencies to judge others: human trends of gossip, the media, opinions of those we love, self-esteem issues, playing comparison games--if you get my point the list could go on and on. In this season of life, God has been pulling at my heart to let Him teach me in changing this worldly habit.

   If the Lord were to judge us there is NO way we could compare with him and make the cut. Fortunately for all of us, God judges not with condescension but with a spirit of mercy and love. God judges us and offers us grace. It is why he sent his son, Jesus, to earth to live a perfect life only to die on the cross. Three days later Jesus arose from the tomb defeating death and rising to heaven. Because of this precious gift, we receive abundant and never ending grace and love from our Savior. If we are to live God's love then we too should offer acceptance and love to all of those around us because God views everyone as a child of God. If God can love me, with his help I know I can succeed in loving others.

   God has been teaching me not to judge others based on what I think or with what little information I know. God has been teaching me to view others as my brothers and sisters- looking at them with love. This is such a fulfilling way to live life. The relationships you receive from a life of walking with the Lord exceed all judgements and preconceptions.

• "For this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you may follow in his steps." 1 Peter 2:21

• "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3:12

• "Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Galatians 5:26

• "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

• "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord' and not do what I tell you?" Luke 6:46

• "Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." 1 John 2:6

A Life That Experiences the Blessings of God Is Centered Around the Love of God.

Then the word of the Lord came through the prophet Haggai: "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses while this house remains a ruin?" Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it." Haggai 1:3-6

I've been challenged by this passage to take an inventory of my life. How am I living? Am I going through my days serving and living for myself? If I am serving myself, I am living without the love of God as my anchor. I will be living an empty life that cannot be filled. Our activities should have meaning and purpose behind them. Love: How deeply do we let the love of God and Christ's resurrection rule our life?

This is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways." Haggai 1:7

Romans 12:12- Quick Thoughts

"Be happy in your hope. Do not give up when trouble comes. Do not let anything stop you from praying." Romans 12:12

This verse is beautiful. School assignments, essays and tests have been in abundance this week. It's enough to make me feel inadequate. In a way inadequacy is humbling. It reminds me how incomplete and useless I am without the Savior's love. On the other hand it can also make me feel unsure . If I'm inadequate what is the point of everything? Ahh. But the point... Be happy in your hope. Do not give up when trouble comes. Do not let anything stop you from praying. There is something greater than inadequacy going on... It is Jesus humbling me. He calls me His. He died for me. He has give me hope that can never be taken from me. Trouble comes but He fights for me. Nothing can keep me from praying. God is bigger.

Spiritual Stress

"Too blessed to be stressed."
This is something I tell myself all the time. And I'm really not one to feel stressed. Yes, I do procrastinate, but I also do a pretty good job of time management. I'm also prone to error. So naturally when I thought I only had one test and one essay due this Friday, the week after Spring break, I was wrong. I actually have three essays, 2 math assignments (the bane of my academic existence) and one test. Am I stressed about the schoolwork? Ehh, kind of. What I'm really stressed about is myself.

While I enjoyed great fellowship with my family, friends and church family over the break I substituted some of those times for my personal devotional time. Not okay. So this week, while I have all of my school stuff and a few other miscellaneous paperwork things to deal with, I also have to realign my time in a way that is pleasing to God. I'm stressed because I feel like I'll slip and not succeed in my goal. Straying from the word, even for just one day, can be detrimental to a believer.

So what's the rhyme I'll tell myself now? Lord, "bless this mess."
My prayer is that God can refine me through His fire in this moment and in all moments. Any hardship I might face during that will not even matter when I am walking side by side with my Savior, partaking in His blessings for me.

So friends, if you're reading this... Please help a sista out this week!

May We Set Our HEARTS Upon You

This quote and verse have been on my heart lately. (And for those of you who know me, I really am not trying to make a pun.)

• "The more objects you set your heart upon, the more thorns there are to tear your peace of mind to shreds."-Spurgeon
• "Set your affections on things above,  not on things on the earth." Colossians 3:2

Both recently and not so recently, I have watched close friends of mine struggle with burdensome issues that stem from not setting their "affections on things above." The Holy Spirit has guided some conversations about these issues with them and everyone seems to say "I want to do what is right and I want to trust God can take care of this, but I can't. I don't want to stop this issue." How many of us believers battle the Romans 7 battle every single day? 
    
    "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
    And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
    I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin." Romans 7:14-25


My first instinct is to scream, "Wake up believers! Don't you see you are letting sin rule your life? You do not have your eyes fixed upon the Lord at all!" However, the more I begin to think on the situation, the more I remember I have been there. I couldn't escape my issues. I was living with my heart fixed upon the darkness I was dwelling in. All I could see was the pain of watching people I was close to die. Everyday I cried because I was so miserable. Soon enough my heart's habit was to look to the darkness. To withdraw from everything. To be isolated. I had no more tears to shed. I had developed a routine. Surface level happiness in public. Go home, turn the phone off and just avoid everything. That is not how we are called to live. I met some awesome people when I was in this habit and I really wanted the old me back. I longed to be able to connect and form friendships but I was trapped. I never followed through. Oh but finally, I was beyond miserable and I called out to God and I asked him to restore my soul. I kept living the same old life. I cried out again but I kept living life. I wanted to live God's law because I loved it. Yet, sin was keeping me from fully fixing my eyes upon the Lord. But my Father is so compassionate. He broke the chains on me and he restored me. Now, my heart is set on Him. I am learning what the life of discipleship is: To spend time in the word everyday. To seek God's plans for my heart. To let go of old habits and my desires and let him have full authority and REIGN in my life. I am finally at a place where I find joy coming from the Lord on a daily basis. So, whoever you are and where ever you are at in your life. Surrender to the Lord. He is big enough to take care of you. Pursue His will for your life. Set your hearts on God because you will be rewarded in this life and for eternity! 

Second Semester

       I had such a nice break. I loved being able to relax all day everyday and do only the things I love. I became very comfortable in my routines. When it was time for me to come back to school, I procrastinated the move as long as I could. When I arrived back into my dorm room, I was far from ecstatic about being back at school. I thought it was because I was just sad to leave my friends and family at home and return to school. I was wrong. It was because I was anxious. I'm taking sixteen hours this semester. I know people have attempted and succeeded at more hours, but I believe personally, I am tackling a new challenge. I was also anxious about certain friendships that I felt had disbanded last semester and I was not sure what to do about these relationships. I was being ripped away from my comfort and being thrown into a fast paced environment I was reluctant to return to.
       I began a new devotional two nights before classes began. I broke down. I told God how I was feeling. I confessed some of my secrets to God because I realized they weren't secrets. I became transparent and weak. God already knew how I felt and what the battles I had been fighting. However, openly confessing and talking to God is part of the relationship we are meant to have with our Creator. The anxiety bubble around my nerves began to melt when I read John 14:26. "The Holy Spirit will teach you all things." I am walking blindly in faith this semester. I know I am not alone. My God is with me wherever I go. If I walk with Him, great things will be accomplished. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," Ephesians 3:20.
      God does not call us to be comfortable. And when we are comfortable, our spiritual life is stale. "The Lord called to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." I am called to be where I am. I will listen to God. I will trust God. Apart from Him I am nothing. "I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5 Amen.